Old Poems, Same Nostalgia

I'm really not a poet. But there were times when I get emotional and this is the only way I can express them...through broken phrases I dared to call poetry.




1988


When Time Casts Its Shadow

When Time casts its shadow
I hope I'm not
Just passing through your life
A memory hidden
In some place
Forgotten.

--For my highschool friends. Leaving Chicago for the Philippines


1990

Love's Beginning

It happened
In a span of a week.
A handshake followed by
A smile.
An accidental touch
That reached the soul.
A bewildered look
In awe of what is found
In the heart --
Something akin to pain
That must be given a chance
To be.

-- For Gerry. We met on April 19, 1986.


Differences

You say "i love you,"
I reply, "i love you, too."
You see your way
I see mine
Voices grow louder
High pitched and shrill
Clouds of mixed emotions
Of anger and love
Can we not somehow
Reach a compromise?

-- Going steady for 3 or 4 years, it's after the honeymoon stage...(luckily, we were better as a married couple)

1992

The Interrogation of a Filipino American

They ask, what are you doing here?
And I would smile a secret smile.
Aren't you hot? Uncomfortable?
But I would only shake my head, No.
Don't you find it hard to breathe?
I do. I would have to agree. It's suffocating.
Have you met Chaos and Fear?
Yes, I have feared for my life and safety.
Don't you feel dismayed with the circus taking place on UN Avenue?
Yes, it's appalling and I am deeply grieved.
Don't you find it alarming that morals are very low?
It saddens me most dreadfully.
Is it not pitiful that every one is not trustworthy?
Oh, I wouldn't say every single one.
Then look on the roadside, up on the overpass, along elegant Ayala, tell me,
what do you see?
I see a mountain of garbage, an old man begging, and children selling sampaguitas.
Do you still not realize the injustice of it all?
Yes, I see it. I have to say I am disturbed.
Then what are you doing here? Why do you stay?
I smiled a secret knowing smile and replied,
Alongside the City with its bitterness and pain
I watched the glorious sunset turn the sky aflame.
The golden ball of fire sinks down the level horizon
With a promise to rise at the breaking of dawn.
I stood transfixed by its beauty beside the crying city
And with a sigh, I felt resigned.
I am here because I love
I love the country of my birth, and I remain in Hope.

--why go to the Philippines for college?...why not?!

April, 1992

Life's Value

Endless miles I've traveled
Wondrous sights I've seen.
Yet what breath-taking magnificence
Can fill this hollowness
Inside?

It is love's touch that gives meaning,
worth and sense of value.
For what is beauty, or richness
If I am forlorn without you?

--- height of being corny...missing Gerry while on a European trip


Memento

An old photograph
That spoke of life and being
The only trace left
Of someone who once was
Young, vibrant and living
Flesh and blood preserved
Into molecules and waves
Of colors imprinted on paper
Though immortal only in imagery
Memory and love is eternal in the
Heart.

--for Gigi...I felt how much she missed her mother


June, 1995

The Trouble With Goodbye

In my life, I've said it a countless times,
To family, to friends, to a loved one
I never learned how to do it right
The formula for its proper delivery,
The right approach, the suitable words,
They always elude my pained mind.
And so it comes out in a rush of broken
Speech, accompanied by salty crystal drops that
Managed to break my dam of self-control.

I should have learned my lesson by now.
It's a way of life for me. Inevitable.
Still....
The trouble with good-bye is
The degree of pain never quite depreciates
No matter how many times it is said.

---Going back to the US of A

Time Steals

He sits on the rocking chair, old and weary.
A wisp of an old man who had seen many years pass.
His skin clings close to his bones,
A river of veins course through his gentle hands.
The only fire left within him is sparked by his Faith.

He told me last night, he would thank God when he goes.
"I am the only one left of my generation," he said.
I watched his tired form and knew his pain, nary a word of complaint.
He spoke the truth as my mind rebelled against the thought,
Is it really his time to go?

But his words began to sooth, I started to understand.
Comfort became easy to find. Whether he goes or stay,
He is in God's hand either way.

--- my beloved grandfather and I had talked about my leaving for the US. He passed away 5 months later.